Clearly I won’t be eating here, but who knew that you could be shutdown for having a dirty mind?
Tag: New York
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Cockroach
I had just gotten out of the shower. I was standing in front of the mirror getting ready when I saw something large move out of the corner of my eye. As I jumped back and spun around I saw the biggest cockroach ever. Huge. It was crawling slowly down my shower curtain as if it owned the place. Breaking out of my terror stricken freeze, I started trying to figure out how the hell I was going to kill this thing. Obviously I couldn’t step on it. Finally I resigned to the fact that I would have to deal with feeling this enormous cockroach crunch in my hand and went to get some paper towels.
Thankfully his pace didn’t pick up and he was still within reach when I raced back into the bathroom. I took a deep breath and prepared to strike. I moved quickly, but I didn’t get him in my grip. He dropped to ground and raced between my legs and out of the bathroom. I could actually hear its feet clicking against the floor as it moved into the hallway.
With the cockroach grounded I changed back to classic squashing. Except I was barefoot. I darted into my room, grabbed a shoe, and lunged into the hallway. A thud, crack, and pop later, I reclaimed ownership of my apartment, for now at least.
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Sidewalk Rage
It started out as a nagging impatience, a silent prodding of “move, move, move.” It quickly grew into visible frustration. My pace has quickened and I’ve started walking like a BMW driver, weaving in and out of people, cutting people off, and even swerving into oncoming traffic just to pass someone. I use to cup my lit cigareete, now I wield it like a lightsaber. I am clearly developing sidewalk rage.
I’ve even rationalized it. Who stops in the middle of the sidewalk to text a reply? That’s like changing a flat tire in the middle of the highway. Please for your safety and the safety of others, pull over. I completely understand the overheard woman shouting, “people walking around in New York like they got no place to be!”
This is New York, people. We’re all supposed to be in a hurry and we’re supposed to look good while we do it. Get with it or get back to Queens.
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New York Dream
Last night I had a very vivid dream. I dreamt that I had closets. Lots of closets. They were hidden everywhere in my apartment. Behind every door and around every corner was a closet waiting to be discovered. I had so much closet space that I had to go shopping for new clothes to fill it.
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Look Out MOMA
I’ll be there soon – as soon as I stop wasting money in your store.
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Where to Begin?
This is a new one, so we’re going to start right here. Now.
This new chapter in my life is about freedom and starting over and all sorts of other clichés, so what better place to move to than New York?
Seriously, this is amazing! This is the view from the pier that’s at the end of my street (about 4 blocks from my front door). My plan with this blog, besides hoping it grows, is to recount this, my journey here, and continue documenting my adventures. I’ll also fill the gaps with random bits of creative writing and talking about pretty things.